


The Marauders: The War

by Caverdash



Series: The Marauders [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:49:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caverdash/pseuds/Caverdash
Summary: Set in the same world as my other work The Marauders: School, mostly canonical but with Remus Lupin re-imagined as my own character- Morgana. Random scenes from the first Wizard war. Eventually, will connect with the other work.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Marauders [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735573
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime during the first war, when things are beginning to fall apart

Even distraught, eyes swollen and lips bitten ragged, Lily was still beautiful, the angry red patches high on her cheeks only emphasized the smooth creamy porcelain of her skin, and Sirius was filled with an irrational anger. Why should there still be anything left beautiful, when the world was ending and Frank and Alice were alive but gone. “Oh my god. Alice. We have to go. We have to go see them.” Lily sobbed and James pulled her fiercely to him. He looked helplessly up at Sirius.  
  
“You can’t. None of us can.” Morgana said from behind him. Lily tore away from James.  
  
“What are you talking about?” she shrieked. “This is Frank and Alice!” Morgana’s face was terrible, cold and hard.  
  
“Not anymore. And I’ll not have you throw away their sacrifice by risking yourself to see two empty shells. We need to stay alive so we can keep fighting.”  
  
“And have you forgotten what we’re fighting for?! They’re what we’re fighting for, Morgana! Our family! The people we love!”  
  
“And what about your family, Lily? What about your child? Neville is an orphan now so Harry doesn’t have to be.” Lily recoiled as though Morgana had slapped her. Sirius felt he was suffocating.  
  
“Morgana!” He said. She turned to him, still terrifyingly emotionless.  
  
“You know that I’m right.”  
“But you don’t have to say it that way!”  
  
“What does it matter, what way I say it?” Sirius had raised his voice but hers had still remained calm, distant. He rounded on her, too tense to control himself.  
  
“You don’t have to be so—“  
  
“Stop, Sirius, just stop.” James said wearily. “Lily?” gently, turning her towards him. “She’s right. We can’t go out there. There’s nothing we can do for them now. We can mourn them just as well here.” He brushed away her tears with the pads of his thumbs and she sagged against him. How easy, how easy it was for them, to seek comfort and to give it.  
  
“I want her gone.” Lily murmured against his chest.  
  
“Lily, we’re all upset. Let’s just step back and all just take a deep breath.”  
  
“No,” said Morgana, turning to grab her cloak. “It’s just as well. I have a mission.” James looked over at her sharply.  
  
“Today? Moony, no. We’re all shaken up. Surely the Order can send someone else. We need to be here, together.”  
  
“Haven’t you been listening? There is no one else.” James stood up but before he could stop her, she had disapparated away. He looked at Sirius, and was dismayed to see his face was crumbling, uncertain, frightened, and exhausted.  
  
“Mate,” James said. “You can’t let her leave like that.” But still Sirius stood there, helpless. Everything was falling apart. “Sirius.” He snapped. “You can’t let her leave like that!”  
  
“Right,” whispered Sirius, but he looked more terrified than ever. He fumbled around for his own cloak, dropped it, and shot one last despairing look at James before disapparating. He reappeared in the kitchen of their flat, and felt a gut-wrenching stab of shame when, for a brief, disgusting moment, he was relieved to find it empty. The thought that this mission, like every mission these days, held the possibility of being her last, and that she may have already left with the last words spoken between them so hostile and cold, was unthinkable. But so great was his terror of her cold impassivity, that his heart stuttered with a pounding dread at having to face it again. He clenched his shaking hands and walked into the living room. There was no guilty relief this time, however, on finding it empty, only a nauseating plunging in his stomach, and still shaking, he turned, cold, towards the bedroom. She was collapsed on the floor against the foot of their bed, legs sprawled at an awkward angle and her face buried in her hands. He kneeled down in front of her and with trembling fingers pulled her hands away. But her expression beneath was as lifeless as before and when he put his hands on her cheeks, like James had with Lily, there were no tears for his thumbs to brush away.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, placing his forehead against hers, if only so he would have an excuse to stop seeing her awful, vacant face.  
  
“It’s okay, I know,” she murmured back. She had brought her own hands back up to place them on top of his, but somehow the touch was more clinical than tender, detached and impersonal. She pulled his hands lightly away and stood up. “I have to go.” He was clutching at her already before he had even regained his own feet.  
  
“Moony, wait just a minute. Please.”  
  
“It’s okay,” she said again. She tugged him to her by the collar of his jacket and kissed his lips to keep him quiet; and this too was an empty gesture. Sirius, choking on his unspoken words, had never felt more alone in his life. She disapparated even as she turned away from him.  
  
“I love you,” he whispered into the empty flat.

Morgana did not apparate directly to the Order Headquarters, but instead emerged in a random field, so far from everything she felt she could see every star in the sky. All the pain she had been holding in burst forth and she fell to her knees, sobbing. She couldn’t stop seeing Alice’s eyes, wide and vacant and staring. It was worse than when Marlene had died. At least Marlene’s eyes had been closed. At least her body hadn’t had to endure weeks and weeks of torture. Morgana shuddered. What had been done to them? To break their minds? Two ministry trained aurors. Morgana screamed into the empty field.  
  
She was frightening Sirius, she knew. She could see his heart cracking in front of her every time she shut him out. But what else was she supposed to do? She couldn’t tell him what had really happened, that night that Frank and Alice were taken. How she had seen Sirius and Alice go down at the same time. She had had a choice then, curse Nott or McNair. But it had never really been a choice. If it came down to saving Sirius and saving anyone else the answer would always be Sirius. Never mind that Frank and Alice had a child. Never mind that Morgana was ashamed, selfish, drowning in self-hatred. She had saved Sirius then, and god help her, she would do it again. But Sirius breathed guilt. He immersed himself in it, wrapped it around himself like an anchor that dragged him down, made him reckless and sloppy. If he knew Morgana had had the opportunity to save Alice but had chosen him instead…It would break him.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he’d whispered. He didn’t even know what he was apologizing for, but he’d meant it and that hurt too. She’d wanted to say it back but had been too terrified to speak. If she started apologizing she might never stop, and it would all come spilling out. Morgana would not let that happen. She had been a monster her whole life and had learned to live with that long ago. She’d lock up the events of that night in the vault along with the wolf, along with the pain, and bear it silently like she did everything else.  
  
Lily was angry at her, now. But Morgana wanted that too. She didn’t deserve to mourn Alice and Frank alongside Lily. She would accept Lily’s anger instead, a small drop in the ocean of atonement she now owed.  
  
Morgana got to her feet. As suddenly as the tears had come, they stopped. She was in control again. She was ready for her mission. Morgana apparated to the Headquarters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime later, morning after full moon

When Morgana awoke, she was startled to find, not Sirius by her bedside, but Lily, cradling a sleeping Harry against her shoulder. She had her face buried against his tiny body, the fire strands of her hair falling against his back like a blanket. Morgana felt her chest constrict.  
  
“Lily?” Lily’s head snapped up, her eyes red rimmed and bloodshot. Had she been crying, or was she just tired?  
  
“Hey,” Lily whispered. She stood and gently placed Harry in the bassinet beside her. “Can I get you anything? Water? Something for the pain?” Morgana shook her head and adjusted herself to a half sitting position so she could better look at Lily. Lily tried for a brave smile. “You’re probably wondering what Harry and I are doing here. Um…” Her voice quavered. “Last night, James didn’t come home from patrol.” Morgana’s heart dropped. “I tried Peter first, but I couldn’t get a hold of him, so I came here. I know it’s the worst possible time to have come—what with last night being the moon and all.” She covered her mouth with a hand. “I’m so sorry; I just didn’t know what else to do. Sirius left straight away to look for him. 3 hours ago.”  
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”  
  
“The other night, after Frank and Alice—I was awful to you. You were right, I was just so….” She shook her head. “And now James. And I sent Sirius off after him and…” Her chest hitched, and tears began spilling down her cheeks. Morgana patted the bed next to her.  
  
“I was awful too. I’m sorry.” Lily climbed onto the bed and Morgana wrapped an arm around her. “Sirius will find him.” She tried not to think about how exhausted Sirius must be, having spent the day before on duty and the entire night awake with the wolf. When was the last time he had slept? Lily sniffed.  
  
“If Sirius doesn’t come back either, I’ll never forgive myself.” Morgana bumped her shoulder against Lily’s.  
  
“He’d have gone after James on his own whether you came to get him or not.”  
  
“I know. But I still feel like a terrible person.”  
  
“You’re not a terrible person, Lily. I’ve got you beat by miles.” Morgana smiled, bitterly. “I could have saved Alice, you know. I saw everything. Nott—I saw him hit her with that curse. And I saw McNair, too. He’d knocked Sirius down and… It happened so fast. There was only time to help one. And Frank—he tried to get to Alice, but he was too far. He never even saw Malfoy in the shadows…” She let out a shaky breath. It hadn’t been her intention, to confess all this to Lily. But the alternative was to think instead about what might have happened to James, or what might be happening to Sirius. Anything was preferable to that. “See, if you’re terrible, what does that make me?”  
  
“Human,” said Lily, gently and with such compassion that Morgana felt as though she were melting, her insides dissolving and thawing, disappearing away into nothing. She brushed at her eyes to keep the tears from falling, but there were too many. “I’d do the same for Harry. I’d let every last person on this earth die to keep him safe.”  
  
“Well, let’s just get it on record, then. I give you permission and my blessing to let me die for Harry. I won’t hold it against you, and I forbid you to feel guilty about it.”  
  
“Hey, great. Thanks. Just what I wanted to hear.” Lily said, dryly. And suddenly, they were laughing, hysterical and crying, but laughing, nonetheless. “What a fucking mess.” Lily swiped at her streaming eyes and glanced sidelong at Morgana. “You didn’t tell Sirius, did you?”  
  
“Of course not.” Lily nodded.  
  
“Those damn boys. They think they’re so tough. They’ve no clue the strength it takes to keep everything together for them.” There was a loud crash from down the hall in the living room. Lily leapt to her feet, wand in hand.  
  
“It’s us!” Came Sirius’s voice. Lily didn’t lower her wand, only repositioned herself so she was in between Harry’s bassinet and the bedroom door.  
  
“Prove it. Before you open the door.”  
  
“Your husband, Prongs the stag, was so homesick the first year of Hogwarts, he kept wetting the bed.”  
  
“That’s not the secret code, and I never told her about that, you asshole.” James’s voice, hoarse and ragged. Lily let out a sobbing laugh.  
  
“Good enough.” She waved her wand and the door flew open. James looked wan and sweaty; his weight supported by Sirius; around whose neck he had slung an arm. Sirius grinned crookedly. He was covered in blood, his robes torn and burned.  
  
“Did you miss us?” He asked. Lily rushed over and snatched James up in her arms.  
  
“I’m okay,” James whispered as Lily sobbed against him. Sirius caught Morgana’s eye and tilted his head toward the bathroom before leaving. She heard him pad down the hall and run the tap. Lily was directing James towards the bed and Morgana shifted to make room for them to sit. Lily was running her hands across his chest, down his arms, against his face, checking for any sign of damage. “I’m alright.” He said again, catching her roving hands. “Just rattled. And bloody pissed at myself. Sirius might be hit, though, I’m not sure.” Lily took a steadying breath.  
  
“I’ll go check on him in a sec. James, what happened?” James shook his head.  
  
“Later, Lily. Please. Let’s just see to Sirius and go home.” He patted Morgana’s leg and gave her a small smile. “I’m sure poor Moony doesn’t want us all piled on her bed right now, anyway.”  
  
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Morgana said, looking up as Sirius reentered the room. Lily got to her feet again, but Sirius held up his hand.  
  
“Relax. It’s not my blood.” He said, grimly.  
  
“How are your ribs?” Lily asked.  
  
“Fine?”  
  
“Good.” And she launched herself at him and gave him a bone crushing hug. “Thank you.” She said, her face muffled against his blood-soaked robes. Sirius hugged her back, tightly.  
  
“There’s nothing to thank me for, you know that.” She squeezed him once more before pulling back. Sirius put his hands on her shoulders. “Now, I mean this with all the love in the world, but can you two please take your son and get the fuck out of our bedroom so we can go to sleep?” Lily gave a tearful laugh.  
  
“Gladly.” She turned to scoop up Harry who was still snoozing away, oblivious. James heaved himself to his feet.  
  
“Sirius, mate.” He grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a hug.  
  
“Yeah, yeah.” Sirius mumbled, gruffly. “Go home and be with your family.” James nodded and clapped him on the arm. He grabbed Lily’s hand and they apparated away. Sirius let out a long gust of air. He stripped off his dirty robes and tumbled into the bed, landing with his head on Morgana’s chest. She held him close and ran a hand through his hair.  
  
“Are you okay?” She asked.  
  
“No,” he breathed. “It was fucking awful. Dorcas Meadows is dead.” Morgana closed her eyes. Dorcas Meadows, muggle-born and proud, even while being in Slytherin, who had aspired to be the youngest minister of magic, who had fought by their side countless times and turned on many of her own friends to stand against Voldemort. She kissed the top of his head.  
  
“I’m so sorry.” He’d washed his hands, but she could still smell the blood on him, sharp and coppery, mingling with his sweat and the stale scent of fear. “But you brought James back. He’s safe.”  
  
“This time,” he murmured against her chest. “We need to speak with him.”  
  
“One fight at a time, darling.” She said, stroking his neck. But Sirius was already asleep, lying exactly as he fell, splayed atop her. And despite being drained from the moon, Morgana held him close for a long while, relishing every breath he drew, mourning even while thanking the universe that it was Dorcas who was dead and not James.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another random scene where Sirius and Morgana must convince James to stay safe. Eventually everything will connect into a coherent story

Sirius shoved James roughly down onto the couch and he and Morgana planted themselves in front of him, arms crossed.  
  
“No more of this shit.”  
  
“No more missions.”  
  
“No more endangering yourself.”  
  
“No more wand fights!”  
  
“Blimey, you two are terrifying when you’re on the same page.” James tore off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes one handed. “Thank Merlin you so rarely agree. Why do you two get to risk yourselves and not me?”  
  
“Because I am better at dueling than you, and Moony is better than me.”  
  
“And we have nothing to lose.” Sirius’s jaw tightened.  
  
“And we have nothing to lose.” He repeated, dead voiced.  
  
“That’s a steaming pile of dragon shit and you know it.”  
  
“Do you want Harry to grow up fatherless?” James lurched to his feet.  
  
“No.” He said, through clenched teeth. “You two don’t get to use my son against me. I want Harry to grow up in a world that’s better than this one.” He jabbed his finger angrily at the ground. “And I have just as much right to fight for that world as you.”  
  
“There are other ways to help—” Morgana started, but Sirius held up his hand.  
  
“Listen, mate,” his tone soft and sincere—wholly un-Sirius like. “How many times have you been there for us. It’s our turn. Let us do this. Let us help keep your family safe.”  
  
James let out a disgusted noise. “It’s not a bloody fucking competition! I don’t keep a goddamn tally of how many times we’ve been there for each other. You don’t get to dictate—”  
  
“Enough.” Said Morgana, and it was frightening in the finality it carried. “I’m not listening anymore. You’ve been distracted and sloppy and it’s going to get someone killed, and you’ll be lucky if that someone is only you.” James looked stricken. “I’m not going to waste anymore time sitting here nursing your bruised ego because you want to be the hero.” She waved her wand and a pile of folders materialized and landed on the table with a thud that sounded like a coffin lid slamming shut. “That’s a list of refugees that still need to be hidden somewhere from the Death Eaters. Eyewitness reports that still need to be read and sorted through to see if we can root out where Voldemort is hiding. There are other ways to fucking help.” Sirius was pinching the bridge of his nose with a pained expression.  
  
“What Moony is trying to say—”  
  
“I heard her.” James sounded unsteady. “She’s right. I’m just so… scared.” Sirius thought the expression on his face was worse than the cruciatus. It was terrified and uncertain and didn’t belong on the face of James Potter. “If either of you die for me…” Sirius felt the grin rising, sardonic and cocky, brimming with bravado and forced carelessness.  
  
“There you go with that ego again. If either of us die, it won’t be for you. It will be to save the world.” James let out a snorting laugh, and then burst into tears. 

  


Sirius stopped Morgana on the porch outside of James’s house.  
  
“I know things have been strained between us lately, but you’re wrong, you know. About having nothing to lose.” He said, grabbing her arm to turn her towards him. He slid his hand down her arm until he held her hand instead. “I have everything to lose.” Morgana bit her lip.  
  
“Sirius, I…”  
  
“If something happened to you, I don’t know what—” Morgana shook her head.  
  
“Stop.” She said, gently. She reached out with her free hand and placed it on his cheek. “If something happens to me, you’ll be fine. You’ll fight on and live your life and you’ll be fine.” He took a shuddering breath. “And the same goes for me. If something happens to you. I’ll be fine.” Her eyes were brimming with tears, glistening under the yellow porchlight. “It won’t do us any good to think any other way.” Sirius nodded.  
  
“We’ll be fine.” She smiled then, and Sirius thought nothing could hurt more. “I love you, Moony.”  
  
“I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another random scene during war. Not sure how it will all connect but it will.

James looked exhausted. He poured her a cup of coffee before joining her at the table. “Harry been keeping you up, then?” Morgana asked.  
  
“Uh, yeah. You know, him and the nightmares, and the fearing for my family, and the what the fuck was I thinking bringing a sweet innocent child into this shithole world… but yeah, lets go with the baby.” Morgana smiled, thinly. “What about you?” She blew on her coffee, taking her time before answering.  
  
“I’m going to go somewhere.” She stared at him intently. “I need to take a job. It’s somewhere far from here.” James narrowed his eyes.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because,” she said slowly, with obvious emphasis. “There’s a position that can only be filled by me.”  
  
“What is it, exactly, that we are talking around, here, Moony?” Morgana sighed.  
  
“You really are terrible with subtleties. You’d make an awful spy, Prongs.”  
  
“I’d make a great fucking spy. I just don’t want to believe you’d be so stupid as to agree to what I think you did. It’s Sirius that’s supposed to be the reckless one.” He leaned back, angrily. “Does he know?” Morgana cocked her head at him.  
  
“It has to be real. You know Sirius. You know how he his. The minute he thinks something is wrong, he’ll come tearing in and blow my cover. He’s a shit actor and an even worse liar. He needs to believe it’s real.”  
  
“Merlin’s fucking shit, Moony! I always thought Sirius was exaggerating when he’d tell me you could be ice cold. I know you love him. You and I love him the same. How can you do this?”  
  
“We love him equally, maybe, but not the same. You love him so much you don’t he see his flaws. I love him so much in spite of them. It has to be this way.”  
  
“Is that why you’re telling me, then? So I can go and pick up the pieces when this destroys him?” Morgana looked at him, sadly.  
  
“I’m telling you because you’re my best friend.” James let out a shaky breath.  
  
“Morgana, this is too much. It’s too dangerous. What happens if they find you out?”  
  
“They won’t find me out.”  
  
“Oh? And what happens when they ask you to do something that you can’t live with? Are you willing to throw away your soul, along with your life?”  
  
Morgana looked at him, hard. “They won’t find me out.” She said again, with grim emphasis. James buried his head in his hands. Morgana reached out and shook him until he looked back up at her. “I’m a goddamn werewolf, James. Nearly my whole life I’ve lived with this terrible fucking thing. Finally, here is an opportunity where it can help. I need to do this. Don’t you want this shit war over? Anything that can help end it is worth it!” James was shaking his head before she had even finished.  
  
“This is too high a price!”  
  
“That’s not your call to make. My life and my soul are just that. Mine. Mine to spend at will.”  
  
“Fuck Sirius, what about me?! Or Lily? We can’t lose you, Moony. I won’t!”  
  
“Stop shouting. You’ll wake her.”  
  
“Good! I want you to look her in the eye and tell her that you have no problem going on a suicide mission and see the look on her face for yourself!” But he had lowered his voice. “This is so fucking fucked up. Goddamnit!” He was on the verge of tears, but Morgana only watched him helplessly. “There’s nothing I can say, is there? That will get you to change your mind?” Morgana shook her head and James nodded in miserable acquiescence. “So that’s it, then.” They sat in morbid silence. After a long while, Morgana stood.  
  
“I’m going to go.” James swallowed thickly and stood as well.  
  
“I don’t want you to.”  
  
Morgana smiled, sadly. “I know,” she said, before pulling him in to hug him. He hugged her back so fiercely he was practically crushing her. Morgana didn’t mind. Finally, she gently pulled back.  
  
“I love you,” he said. “Please be careful.” Morgana smiled.  
  
“I love you, too. I will. I’ll see you again soon, I promise.” And she apparated away before he could see the tears begin to fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a spy is hard! Random undercover scene. Will eventually connect into one coherent story

The body at her feet was small, blood stained, crumpled. _Oh no, no, no, no_. She was incapable of coherent thought. Numb, she fell to her knees. She reached out a trembling hand and rolled it over. It was a child, no older than twelve. Her throat had been ripped out. It could have been any of the wolves, but the savagery was unparalleled, and Morgana knew in her heart it had been Greyback. Her hand came away wet with blood and she moaned. _No, no, no, no, no_. This wasn’t happening. She had told Shacklebolt that the wolves were coming but she must not have been quick enough. She moaned again and tore at her face, her bloody right hand leaving red trails, mixing with tears and coursing down her cheeks. _Oh Merlin forgive me, this is all my fault. I have to bury her_. Frantically, Morgana began clawing at the dirt. _I can’t just leave her like this I have to bury her_. She dug and dug with bare hands until they bled, and still she dug. Someone was grabbing her from behind.  
  
“Noo!” She screamed, kicking and fighting, feral. A hand clamped down over her mouth and she bit down hard. It was no use. Whoever it was, was dragging her back and back, away from the body and into the shadows.  
  
“If you don’t pull it the fuck together they are going to find you out and kill you!” A voice whispered urgently in her ear. Morgana struggled still, rolling her eyes back as far as they could go to try and see her assailant. “I’m going to let you go. Don’t scream.” The hand released her and Morgana stumbled away, gasping.  
  
“Regulus?”  
  
“Shhhh!” he hissed. “Do you want to get us both murdered tonight?” Morgana shook her head.  
  
“What does it matter? Did you see?” she cried. “Did you see what they’ve done?”  
  
“Hush,” he snapped. He grabbed her by the shoulder and angrily swiped at the tears and blood covering her face with the sleeve of his robe.  
  
“What are you doing?” She asked, dully. Regulus didn’t answer. “Aren’t you one of them?” He looked at her.  
  
“Aren’t you?”  
  
“No,” tears still streaming down her face. “I can’t do it anymore.”  
  
“Stop.” He said it more gently, this time. “It’s bad here, but the Order got most of the muggles out.”  
  
“Well then, it doesn’t matter anyway. They’ll know there is a spy.”  
  
“But they don’t know that it’s you.”  
  
“But you do.” Morgana looked at him sharply. “Are you one of them or not? What game are you playing, Regulus?”  
  
“I don’t know,” he whispered. Morgana shoved him back, hard.  
  
“You don’t fucking know?” She gestured desperately at the carnage that surrounded them. “How can you not know?!”  
  
“I’ll make it right.” He said.  
  
“Make it right?! There’s a child over there with its throat ripped out! A muggle child! How will you make that right, Regulus?!”  
  
“I’ll find a way. I know something. About the Dark Lord.” Morgana was breathing hard.  
  
“I don’t want to hear it.” She said angrily. “If you know something, why aren’t you out there, doing something about it? Why are you here wasting your time with me?”  
  
“Because my brother loves you. And I don’t want to see you murdered. So dry your face, pull it together and remember the next time you want to break down and try to dig a grave with your hands where anyone can fucking see you, that you saved 3000 people tonight. That can’t happen again if you are dead.” Morgana took a shuddering breath. And then another. Regulus nodded at her. He turned to leave.  
  
“Regulus?” She called, reluctantly. He glanced back. “410 Beauchamp Street.”  
  
"What?"  
  
"The address to our apartment. It's not too late. You know he'd take you in in a heartbeat."  
  
Regulus said nothing; he turned away again and disappeared into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scene when Morgana learns of James and Lily's deaths. Eventually all these scenes will connect into a coherent story

Morgana limped down the road, her eyes glued to the dusty path before her. She almost missed the single, green wellie lying sadly discarded in the ditch. Her stomach pooled with dread. It was too soon after their last meeting for Kingsley to have initiated contact already. Something must have happened. She glanced around as nonchalantly as she could manage and bent down. Her fingertips brushed the gummy rubber, and she was immediately jerked up by an invisible hook in her navel. The portkey whirled her around and dumped her brutally into a dimly lit abandoned lot. Morgana picked herself up from the weeds gingerly and took a moment to catch her breath before apparating on to the safe house. She popped up just shy of the front porch and was startled to already find Kingsley waiting outside. He looked exhausted, his big frame stooped and hunched. “What’s my favorite Bertie Bott’s flavor?”  
  
“Grass. Which is still as mystifying as it is disgusting. Who’s my favorite quidditch player?”  
  
“Milena Corriander.” Kingsley was already undoing the wards on the safehouse as he answered. Upon entering, he went immediately over to a cupboard. It was bare inside but for a dusty bottle of firewhiskey. Morgana watched warily as he conjured two glasses.  
  
“What’s happened?” Kingsley was silent as he poured. He filled both glasses two thirds, paused, and then tipped the bottle again until the liquid was near flush with the rim. Morgana had to sip as soon as he passed her the glass to keep from spilling it. She raised an eyebrow.  
  
“We’re celebrating.” It was delivered the same way that you might inform someone they had cancer. Morgana felt her legs wobble, weighed down by an impossible sense of foreboding. She sat heavily on the only piece of furniture in the safehouse, a lumpy, mustard yellow sofa. Kingsley sank down next her. “Voldemort is dead.” He clinked his glass against hers and downed the entire thing in one go. He grabbed the bottle by the neck and refilled his glass and Morgana knew with a creeping terror there was something more to come. Something awful.  
  
“How?”  
  
“Harry Potter.” He took a deep breath, staring down into the amber liquid in his glass as though it held the answer to some unfathomable secret. “James and Lily Potter are dead.” Kingsley could have been speaking Czech for all the sense he was making to Morgana. She couldn’t process the words. “James told you, about the prophecy?” She didn’t answer; her mind was still stuttering over the first part, but he continued like she’d agreed. “Voldemort thought it was about Harry. He discovered where they were and…” He downed his glass again. Morgana pushed her own full glass into his hand. She didn’t want it anymore.  
  
“How?” She asked again.  
  
“They died protecting their son and when he tried to avada kedavra Harry the curse rebounded, and Harry lived but—”  
  
“How did he know? Where they were?” She couldn’t hear over the rushing of her blood and she raised her voice to be sure Kingsley didn’t miss her words. “Didn’t Dumbledore tell them to go into hiding for this reason? He was supposed to protect them! So why are they dead?!” She hadn’t intended to be, but she was shouting now. Kingsley turned so he was facing her. She could see he was breaking and crumbling, Kingsley Shacklebolt who had always been immovable and solid, and Morgana felt like slapping him. “Where was the Ministry, the bloody Order of the fucking Phoenix—why didn’t they do anything to protect them?! Why are they dead, Shacklebolt?!” Kingsley closed his eyes.  
  
“They did the fidelius. They had a secret keeper.” He looked at her again, and Morgana could feel him silently imploring her to connect the dots on her own so he wouldn’t have to spell it out. She didn’t want to. But her brain was faster than her heart. There was only one person James and Lily would ever have chosen to be their secret keeper.  
  
“Sirius is dead.” She was whispering now. Her heart was in her throat, pounding and throbbing, cutting off all airflow. But Kingsley was shaking his head.  
  
“Sirius Black is not dead.”  
  
“That’s the only way Voldemort could have gotten the secret—”  
  
“Rubeus Hagrid saw him this morning, in the ruins of Godric’s Hollow. After the murders. Black gave him his motorbike.”  
  
“Sirius would never give up his motorbike.” As if that was what mattered. Kingsley was opening his mouth again and Morgana felt she was drowning. There couldn’t be more.  
  
“The aurors tracked him down, but… they weren’t fast enough. He was found by Peter Pettigrew. He cornered Black on a muggle block in London…” Morgana was panting. There was too much oxygen in her blood and it was making her dizzy. It didn’t matter. She didn’t want to hear anymore. “…and Pettigrew confronted him about what he had done, about betraying the Potters… and Black laughed in his face. Pettigrew wasn’t fast enough…All the team was able to find after was a finger.”  
  
“Peter…”  
  
“And twelve muggles. Murdered. By Sirius Black.” This time Morgana did slap him. It had to hurt, she’d thrown her whole weight behind it, but Kingsley only stared at her morosely. The tears were falling now, hot and scalding, burning her cheeks.  
  
“That doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t do that.” Kingsley was reaching for her hand.  
  
“He was laughing.” The softness of his voice made her want to scream. Her insides were churning and wrenching. It was worse than the full moon.  
  
“That doesn’t make sense.” She said again. She stood up and Kingsley jumped up to stop her, but he was too late. She had already apparated away.  
  
She had never been to Godric’s Hollow but she knew immediately which house was theirs. It was already swarming with people, a smoldering, smoking ruin. There was a sharp crack behind her as Kingsley apparated next to her. He put a hand on her arm; she shook him off and headed to the house. She’d barely made it past the gate when Mad-Eye Moody came clumping up to her.  
  
“Morgana Lupin. You’re coming with us.”  
  
“I want to see them. I want to see James and Lily. Where’s Harry?”  
  
“You are wanted for questioning in connection to Sirius Black.” Mad-Eye tilted his grizzled head and Kingsley, who had followed her up the path, grabbed her elbow again.  
  
“It’s better if you don’t argue.” Kingsley murmured in her ear.  
  
“I just want to see them,” Morgana cried, grabbing back at him, desperate. Nothing made sense. What was happening? She couldn’t piece anything together.  
  
“There’s nothing to see, Morgana. They’re dead.” Kingsley’s tone was gentle, but he tightened his grip. “I know where you’ve been. I will vouch for you, but you can’t argue here. Come on.” The world was starting to pulse and swim and because she didn’t know what else to do, she allowed Kingsley to lead her limply away. Without warning, he side-along apparated with her and when they reemerged, they were in a bright, sterile room. It had no windows and one solitary chair. Morgana was too numb to wonder at the implications.  
  
“Someone will come speak to you shortly.” Kingsley said, placing her in the chair. He looked for a moment like he wanted to say something else, but he thought better of it and with another apparition crack, he was gone.  
  
Morgana was shaking. Half formed thoughts were flashing through her brain, slicing through the hazy fog of her confusion.  
  
_Voldemort had been…_  
  
_James and Lily were…_  
  
_Peter had…_  
  
_Sirius was…_  
  
It was like her brain was seizing. Like the universe had warped in on itself into a world where reason was imaginary. She could feel her heart, bruising her chest with its pounding, beating her up from the inside. She thought of the ruins that were all that was left of James and Lily’s home. Were their bodies still buried beneath that rubble? Had they fallen near each other, together in death as they had been in life? Morgana wanted to hope so, but nothing felt real.  
  
The door to the room swung open with unnerving silence and Mad-Eye Moody entered. Every clump of his wooden leg sounded in the echoey room like another nail pounding into her coffin, sealing her in this new nightmare reality. He waved his wand wordlessly and a second chair appeared. He paused before sitting and fixed her with both eyes, one real one magical. As he sat, he reached into his pocket and held out a handkerchief to her. Morgana stared at in confusion.  
  
“For your eyes.” Mad-Eye said in a voice like gravel. The words still were not computing but she reached out anyway with numb fingers and brought the handkerchief to her eyes. It came away wet. When had she started crying, she wondered dazedly. Moody waved his wand again and a photo appeared in his hands. There was no pretext given this time, he merely shoved it into her lap. Morgana made no move to touch it, but she could see it plainly from where it rested faceup on her knees. It could have been a muggle picture; the subjects were so still.  
  
“Where are his glasses?” Morgana whispered.  
  
“He doesn’t need them anymore. Not since your boyfriend sold him out to die.” Morgana felt the tears this time, drops of acid scorching her cheeks. She closed her eyes against the burning. “You wanted to see them.” Moody snatched the photo up and shoved it into her face. “So look.”  
  
Whoever had collected up the bodies had laid them side by side on a steel table, their lifeless fingers brushing together. A rogue strand of Lily’s hair lay across her face, slashing her cheek diagonally and resting improbably against her lips. Morgana waited, watching for the breath that would blow the strand of red away, but of course, it never came. They didn’t look like they could be sleeping. They looked dead.  
  
“Where is Harry?” Morgana asked. Moody ignored her.  
  
“I don’t have a photo for Pettigrew. There wasn’t enough of him left.” Morgana felt her vision tunneling and forced herself to take a deep breath. “Tell me what you know about Sirius Black.” Morgana couldn’t help but scoff. What did she know about Sirius Black? Everything, she could have said. Or… nothing, maybe. She tore her eyes away from the photo and fixed them dully on Moody.  
  
“You’ll have to be a little more specific.”  
  
“When did you last have contact?” Morgana let out a long gust of air. She knew exactly the last time she had seen Sirius. It was the same night that Regulus was murdered.  
  
“Two and a half months ago.”  
  
“And what happened when you saw him?”  
  
“Nothing. He told me his brother was dead.”  
  
“And then?”  
  
“And then… I left.”  
  
“You left?” Moody’s magic eye was whirring in its socket. It could see through wood and steel and cloth, Morgana knew. She wondered if it could see through to her soul. “After saying what?”  
  
“I didn’t say anything.” The real eye narrowed.  
  
“Did you know that Black was chosen to be the Potter’s secret keeper?”  
  
“How could I have? I didn’t even know they had a secret keeper.”  
  
“Did you know that Black was an agent of Voldemort?”  
  
“Are all your questions going to be this redundant? No, I didn’t know!” She was shouting again. “How do you know it was him? How can you be sure?!”  
  
“Well, that’s what I’m here to find out. So tell me what you know of Sirius Black.” Morgana scoffed again and threw her hands in the air. “He was a Black.” Moody prompted.  
  
“Yes, but he hated his family. He ran away from home, even though it meant being disinherited. He would never do this.”  
  
“And yet, he still went to his father’s funeral, last year.”  
  
“It was his father. They had a contentious relationship. Sirius said he wanted to make sure. He had to see for himself the bastard was dead.”  
  
“You mentioned his brother. Was Sirius upset to hear that his brother was dead?” Morgana buried her face in her hands.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“His brother, the death eater.”  
  
“Yes,” she repeated.  
  
“So they were close?”  
  
“Not for many years.”  
  
“But he was still upset? I take it you’ll tell me they had a contentious relationship as well?” Morgana was sobbing now. She didn’t understand how she could possibly have come to be here, sitting in this sterile room, answering questions about Sirius regarding the deaths of Lily and James and Peter.  
  
“Can I see him?”  
  
“No.” Moody leaned forward so he was only inches from her face. “Sirius Black is guilty. Dumbledore heard from the Potters themselves that Black was their secret keeper. You told Shacklebolt yourself the only way to get the secret from him would be if he were dead. Well, he’s not dead. But the secret is out. And there are 3 murdered wizards and 12 murdered muggles because of it. It’s not only his guilt I’m trying to determine, here. So if there’s something you’d like to say, I suggest you start saying it.” Morgana was not so shell shocked as to misunderstand Moody’s meaning. She knew full well the precariousness of her position. She was a dark creature that had knowingly consorted with agents of the dark lord. The Order of the Phoenix was not a government agency and therefore her undercover work with the wolves was not sanctioned by the Ministry. And she had been in a known relationship with the man now accused of murder. She could always request veritasserum, but she was not fool enough to think the Ministry would waste the precious potion on a werewolf. If Sirius was guilty, there was no way she would be found innocent. Even so, Morgana couldn’t bring herself to care. James, Lily, and Peter were dead. And Sirius… Her life was over anyway. Morgana fixed Moody with a dead stare and shrugged.  
  
“So take me to Azkaban, then.” Moody snorted. He stood up and withdrew from the room without another word.

A short while later the eerily quiet door swung open again to admit Albus Dumbledore.  
  
“—already said to take her away to Azkaban.” Moody’s voice drifting in from the corridor behind him.  
  
“A statement made of desperation is not the same as an admission of guilt, Alastor.” Dumbledore said and he swung the door shut again in Moody’s face, effectively cutting off any retort. Dumbledore settled himself into the empty chair and scrutinized her. Never had he seemed so frightening. It felt like being vivisected. “I’ve just been to see Sirius at Azkaban,” he said at last and Morgana started.  
  
“He’s already in Azkaban?!” Dumbledore nodded, curtly.  
  
“Barty Crouch felt given the circumstances under which he was apprehended, a trial was unnecessary.” Something about the presence of Dumbledore seemed to cut through the surrealness of everything and ground it all back in reality. Morgana was terrified once more.  
  
“But, there has to be some mistake, right?” She was crying again, pathetically, pitifully, but she was beyond shame anymore. “Sirius couldn’t have done this…Could he?” Dumbledore softened infinitesimally. Or maybe she just wanted him to have.  
  
“I asked the same thing of him.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And he had no answer. Not a word to say in his own defense. Sirius is guilty.” It was like the room turned suddenly into a vacuum, expelling the air forcibly from her lungs, keeping her from breathing. And as her vision began to swim and darken, a lone memory rose up from her fading mind. Of her and James, fifth year, in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. _“I’m so stupid. I should have known. Sirius never cared. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone,”_ she said to James in the memory and then she was gasping for air and the room came into focus around her again. _You always knew it was too good to be true,_ a small, insidious voice whispered beneath the roar of her rushing blood. _You always knew he was too good to be true, you stupid, stupid cow_. Dumbledore laid a hand gently on her shoulder. “I will do what I can to have you released. Most like because of your dark creature designation they’ll not give in without at least a trial, but I will testify to your character as well as the incredible sacrifice and bravery of your service.”  
  
“But you didn’t ask me any questions. You didn’t ask if I helped him.” She barely recognized her own voice. Dumbledore squeezed her shoulder.  
  
“I didn’t need to.”


	7. Chapter 7

OFFICIAL WIZENAGAMOT TRANSCRIPT: November 18, 1981  
Trial of Morgana Lupin

Classification: Dark Creature  
Designation: Werewolf

CHIEF WARLOCK: We have convened the Twelve Elders of the Noble Order of the Wizenagamot today to pass judgment on one Morgana Lupin, werewolf. The charges against Ms. Lupin are as follows: treason, espionage, terrorism, Violation of Classification Order, and lastly, aiding and abetting known Death Eater Sirius Black, wizard, in the murders of James Potter, wizard, and Lily Potter, muggle-born. Elder Hemeridian, if you would begin.

ELDER HEMERIDIAN: Ms. Lupin, we have several reports that over the course of the last fourteen months that you have been very active within rebel werewolf groups pledged to He-who-must-not-be-Named. Can you explain your involvement?

MS. LUPIN: Yes, Elder. After graduating Hogwarts, I was approached by Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt and invited to join the Order of the Phoenix. It was from the Order that I was tapped because of my… particular affliction… to infiltrate the Nameless Ones, the pack led by werewolf Fenrir Greyback.

ELDER PETERSON: According to our sources, Greyback’s pack is both elusive and selective. How is it that you found the Nameless Ones and furthermore, convinced Greyback to accept you?

MS. LUPIN: It wasn’t easy. I started at the pubs, in Liverpool, by the docks. I took a job as a hostess. The town had had some trouble a few years back, with a different pack--the Fanged Brotherhood-- if I remember correctly. Several children were taken. It didn’t take them long to figure out what I was; it’s easy when you know the signs. They ran me out quickly and I stayed along the coast, taking odd jobs. Each time I would get sloppier, reveal myself a little faster, and get chased away just as quickly. It wasn’t long before word got back to various packs. There are not many of us left, and the wolves take care of their own. It was then that I was approached by Rowley Temple, who heads the Pack for Lupine Betterment. I joined the PLB and devoted my time with them. The Pack for Lupine Betterment is a non-violent pack. Their concerns are legitimate. It was easy for me to rise within their ranks. While I was there, I kept my ear to the ground to see if I could hear anything about the Nameless Ones.

ELDER HEMERIDIAN: And it was from the PLB that you found the Nameless Ones?

MS. LUPIN: No. I never did discover a way to contact them. It was the Nameless Ones who found me. It became clear to me quickly that no one in the PLB could help me establish a connection to Greyback. By then it was well known that the Nameless Ones and other prominent packs had declared for He-who-must-not-be-named. It was imperative if we were to defeat the Dark Lord for the Order to have someone on the inside. I knew I had to get the Nameless Ones’ attention somehow, so I started to… radicalize. 

ELDER TREMERE: Please explain what you mean when you say radicalize.

MS. LUPIN: I became more aggressive. I harassed and became violent.

ELDER PETERSON: Did you bite anyone?

CHIEF WARLOCK: Please answer the question, Ms. Lupin.

MS. LUPIN: No. I never bit anyone.

ELDER TREMERE: In what way did you become violent?

MS. LUPIN: I’ve always excelled at casting curses. Even among my peers at school, but especially so among the wolves. You see, I am the only werewolf ever to have been educated at Hogwarts. It gave me a certain level of notoriety.

ELDER HEMERIDAN: Among the curses you cast, were any of them Unforgivable?

MS. LUPIN: Yes.

CHIEF WARLOCK: Please, there must be silence within the council chambers! The Wizenagamot acknowledges your radical actions managed to garner the attention of Greyback’s pack. Let us move forward to your activities within the Nameless Ones.

MS. LUPIN: They mostly left me to recruit. I continued my work with the PLB and targeted the more disenfranchised members. I directed those towards the Nameless Ones.

ELDER PETERSON: All the while, you profess to have been a member of The Order of the Phoenix?

MS. LUPIN: Yes.

ELDER PETERSON: And did you recruit among the werewolves for The Order as well?

MS. LUPIN: No. Professor Dumbledore felt it would be of greater use to infiltrate the Nameless Ones and consequently, I did no recruiting for the Order among the werewolves.

ELDER HEMERIDAN: And you are referring to Professor Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts and leader of The Order of the Phoenix?

MS. LUPIN: Is there another Professor Dumbledore?  
CHIEF WARLOCK: Ms. Lupin will refrain from asking the Wizenagamot questions.

MS. LUPIN: Yes, Albus Dumbledore.

CHIEF WARLOCK: Headmaster Dumbledore’s case on behalf of Ms. Lupin will be heard tomorrow at 1pm in the Grand Council Room. Take note, Ms. Lupin, that the Wizenagamot does not normally hear witnesses on behalf of dark creatures and it is only this court’s great respect for Headmaster Dumbledore that we agreed to hear his case on your behalf. Please, Ms. Lupin, continue with your activities once you joined Greyback’s pack. How did they relate to the Order of the Phoenix?

MS. LUPIN: I tried to inform the Order whenever the pack planned a raid. Greyback’s role within the Death Eaters was to terrorize those that opposed the Dark Lord. It was I that informed the Order of the raid in Manchester, among many others.

ELDER PETERSON: 27 wizards died in that raid and 14 were turned. 217 muggle casualties.

MS. LUPIN: I assure you it would have been worse. The Order did what they could to evacuate. They managed to remove 3,048 people from the attack zone. The ones left were the ones who refused to leave or could not be contacted in time. 

ELDER TREMERE: And how did you pass along the information from the pack to the Order. 

MS. LUPIN: Through a safe house in Bristol. When it was time for me to check in, someone from the Order would leave a portkey in a location that I would be sure to pass—always a single green wellie. It would portkey me somewhere, I never knew where it would go, and from there I would apparate to the safe house. Kingsley Shacklebolt was the secret keeper. Only he and I knew where the safe house was.

CHIEF WARLOCK: The Council will note that Mr. Shacklebolt’s testimony of his involvement will be heard immediately after we conclude Ms. Lupin’s.

ELDER HEMERIDIAN: How long were you with the Nameless Ones?

CHIEF WARLOCK: It’s alright, Ms. Lupin, if you cannot remember the exact length of time, just give an approximation. Do you need Elder Hemeridan to repeat the question?

MS. LUPIN: No, thank you. I remember how long it was. 9 months and 24 days. 

ELDER HEMERIDAN: And did you have any way to contact the Order from your end? 

MS. LUPIN: Aside from my patronus, no. 

ELDER TREMERE: Contact was always initiated by the Order?

MS. LUPIN: Yes.

ELDER HERMIDAN: With no way to contact the Order, what would you have done if you were found out?

MS. LUPIN: Nothing. It was a risk I accepted when I agreed to the mission.

ELDER PETERSON: And Greyback never suspected you?

MS. LUPIN: He had… a special affinity towards me.

ELDER TREMERE: Because you were educated?

MS. LUPIN: Because he was the werewolf who turned me.

CHIEF WARLOCK: I must remind everyone, again. There must be silence within the Council Chambers.

ELDER PETERSON: And because of this, because Greyback made you, did you not feel some loyalty to the beast?

MS. LUPIN: No. Quite the opposite. I am not a vampire, Elder Peterson. I feel no loyalty, nor any other semblance of fondness towards Greyback, or anyone else in the Nameless Ones, for that matter. He made me a monster and I’d no sooner offer him my fealty than eat my own hand.

CHIEF WARLOCK: That’s quite enough, Ms. Lupin. Let us move on, then, to the matter of Sirius Black. Can you explain the nature of your relationship to Black?

MS. LUPIN: We were mates in school. And later… we shared a flat.

ELDER PETERSON: It was a romantic relationship, was it not?

MS. LUPIN: Yes. 

ELDER HEMERIDAN: Was Black aware of your activities for the Order?

MS. LUPIN: No. He knew I was in the Order—he was a member, as well—but we never spoke to each other of what we did.

ELDER PETERSON: We are to believe that you shared a flat with this man, with whom you had a romantic partnership, and never once disclosed your mission?

MS. LUPIN: It was a precaution we agreed to when we joined the Order. Neither of us spoke about what we did for the Order, in case we were taken… or if (unintelligible)

CHIEF WARLOCK: Please repeat the last part, Ms. Lupin.

MS. LUPIN: Or if one of us was a spy.

ELDER HEMERIDAN: Did you ever suspect that Black was an agent of He-who-must-not-be-Named?

MS. LUPIN: Never. 

ELDER HEMERIDAN: And did you see Black during your time with the PLB, and later the Nameless Ones? 

MS. LUPIN: In the beginning. I would apparate to our flat after meeting with Shacklebolt. Sometimes, I would go on my own, without meeting the Order first. Later, once I joined the Nameless Ones, I would go less frequently. It was too great a risk.

ELDER TREMERE: And you never disclosed to Black where you had been?

MS. LUPIN: He knew better than to ask. And even when he did, I never told. He never knew when I was coming or when I was leaving. Sometimes he wouldn’t be at the flat either, and I never asked him where he had been.

ELDER TREMERE: And you never saw anything suspicious? Not even towards the end?

MS. LUPIN: Siriu—Black—he hated his family and everything they stood for. Or so he had led me to believe. Even since our school years. And towards the end… we barely spoke. I hadn’t seen him for two months when the Potters were…

ELDER PETERSON: Did you know, Ms. Lupin, that Black had been made secret keeper for the Potters?

MS. LUPIN: No. But, I could have guessed. They were like brothers. I didn’t even—

CHIEF WARLOCK: Please speak up, Ms. Lupin.

MS. LUPIN: I didn’t even know that James and Lily had moved to Godric’s Hollow. The last I knew they were still in London.

CHIEF WARLOCK: Thank you, Ms. Lupin. Is there anything else you would like to add, before we conclude this session?

MS. LUPIN: No, Chief Warlock. Actually, yes. James, Lily, Peter… they were my best friends. My family. I loved them. I never spied for Dark Lord. And I never told Sirius anything I learned from the Order. But I might as well have. I condemned them to death because I neglected what was right in front of me. Maybe I should have suspected him. But I loved him too, and I didn’t.

CHIEF WARLOCK: Thank you, Ms. Lupin.

MS. LUPIN: Thank you, Elders of the Wizenagamot.


End file.
